Interdependence In A Relationship: Bonds That Hurt

Interdependence is a form of love that hurts a lot. Ironic, isn’t it? That something as beautiful as loving someone else can suddenly become something terrible.

This happens when you commit yourself to someone else in an unhealthy way. Perhaps you are not yet aware of the fact that no one can really be yours, because you learn a sense of ‘possession’ from an early age. Because of this you now think that you belong to someone and he / she with you.

This is a belief that you should change.

Mutually independent relationship: when love hurts

Between all couples, in any relationship, there will be conflict. This is completely normal and part of how you grow with each other.

However, when your partner starts to become the center of your world, when you develop a form of dependency that prevents you from living a normal life, you may find that you have a serious problem.

Two people must both decide to share their lives and their love with each other, to respect each other and to understand that living together does not mean becoming dependent on each other. Of course, both partners should continue to respect each other’s personal space and if it turns out that the relationship isn’t working anymore, realize that this too will work out!

Keep your happiness in your own hands

You cannot become dependent on anyone else in your life – all you have is yourself. Placing your life, your being and your happiness in the hands of someone else is almost like committing suicide. That is why it is important that you take a moment to pay attention to the characteristics of dependent people:

• Their self-esteem depends on what their partner does or does not say about them.
• They take on responsibilities far beyond what their normal duties should be to meet their partner’s needs.
• The boundaries between them and their partner are blurred.

• They never contradict their partner out of fear of rejection.
• When their relationship breaks down, they immediately dive into a new relationship.

If you’ve ever felt that you recognize these traits in yourself, you’ve probably suffered from emotional dependence to a greater or lesser extent.

Free yourself from the bonds that bind you

You know that feeling when you want to grab a rope so it can’t slip out of your hands? When that loose rope finally manages to break free, the pain and damage you feel will be similar to what you’re doing to yourself now!

The same thing happens in your head. You’ve tied yourself in a relationship with someone who isn’t really good for you at all. It’s not easy at all to break that bond.

Sometimes as humans we have masochistic tendencies and prefer to simply endure the blinding pain caused by holding onto this relationship.

If you’re not sure whether or not you should let this person go or if you secretly know you should, but don’t think you’re ready or you can’t, now is a good time to to cut that Gordian knot once and for all.

The freedom you will feel through this is indescribable. You will be filled with an inner peace. You will find that your fears, insecurities, and low self-esteem are gone as you no longer leave your self-esteem completely in the hands of the other person.

But… will this make you happy? Being free is a great feeling, but it may not make you happy at first – it hurts. Yet you can no longer allow yourself to slowly languish in the hands of another.

Free yourself from dependency

You have to free yourself. You choose to hold on to that pain – no one is forcing you to do so.

Of course it is difficult to take that final step. So if you think you can’t do this alone, seek help. Without outside help, you may not be able to muster the courage to handle this situation.

How did you end up in this situation? Could something in your past be responsible for the fear you feel about losing someone? Are you overwhelmed by love?

Sometimes love can be like a drug. It’s normal to think about your partner and want to be with them as much as possible… but emotional dependence is harmful and humiliating if it prevents you from being yourself.

And what if you leave? You may immediately start looking for a replacement. If so, then you have a serious problem. This shows that you cannot be alone!

You need this drug to make you feel good, even when you have to walk through the sand.

Try to seek help, talk about it and open your eyes to reality. It will hurt, you will suffer (although, haven’t you been doing this all the time?) and you won’t feel like yourself. Learn to be alone, make peace with the loneliness.

You don’t have to feel insecure and alone in this world. You are your own best buddy.