Starting Over Again: Are You Sure?

Starting Over in Your Relationship Again: Are You Really Sure?

Starting from scratch with a relationship is something we would like to do sometimes. This could be because we’re asking the other to start over, or because you’ve both come to that agreement.

However, we may not be aware of the risks involved.

When we decide to start over from scratch, we do so with great enthusiasm.  But everything we’ve been through with that person that made us want to start the relationship all over again won’t go away.

Starting over doesn’t make you forget things

We may want to start all over again with our partner because, for example, we’ve been unfaithful and we promise we’ll never do it again.

However, this request may be self-deception.

Are we really sure we won’t make the same mistake again? Are we so afraid of breaking up that we lie to our partner and to ourselves?

What usually happens in most cases is that the other person agrees to be asked to start over. Over time, however, they become cold and distant. This is because they no longer have confidence.

We must therefore be fully aware of the risks associated with wanting to start a relationship over again. In reality, there is no ‘starting all over again, from scratch’, as we sometimes wish.

We are no longer strangers to each other who know nothing about each other. We have had certain experiences: these experiences are permanent and we cannot suddenly forget.

This can lead to resentment. The relationship cannot go on like this. Instead of moving forward, it may even cause us to grow further apart.

Are you willing to forgive?

Taking the above into account: if we really want to start from scratch, we have to be very sure of the step we are going to take.

As we have already mentioned, a person may agree to start a relationship from scratch. However, this doesn’t exactly remove all the resentment, mistrust, and bitter aftertaste that the bad experience may have left behind.

Forgiving the other person can be extremely difficult if they have been unfaithful, mistreated us, or behaved in a way that has made us lose faith in them.

Don’t force things. If we find this impossible to do, then we must say  ‘no’ to starting over.

In this way we avoid damaging ourselves (and the other) and making the relationship very destructive for both parties.

Open your eyes

If we can be aware of all of the above, let’s be honest with ourselves too. Then let’s say, “No, I can’t start all over again because you hurt me. I can’t go on like it meant nothing.”  At that moment we finally open our eyes.

Many couples who want to start from scratch do so based on illusions, hopes and unrealistic expectations.

People don’t take into account that they still feel pain. Their relationship is broken by all the negative events and they need time to heal.

However, it is difficult for us to assume that our relationship has failed. So we try to do the impossible, even though we know deep down what the final result will be.

No need to do that much damage. It’s true that there are people who can start all over again because they can truly forgive. However, this is not something easy that anyone can do.