Starting A Relationship With Someone Who Has Been Hurt

Are you going to start a relationship with someone who has been hurt or with someone who is still heartbroken? Some people have a tendency to become rescuers or healers.

They are attracted to people who need someone to patch them up.

But often they are not aware of the risk they are taking when they head into a relationship with someone who has been hurt.

Because often this type of person has to spend some time alone and overcome the pain on their own.

The savior complex

When a person has a savior complex, it makes him alert to any person who is hurt and in need of care. 

Perhaps this is a person who has been destroyed or humiliated by a toxic or abusive relationship… It is someone who has not received the love he deserved and for whom the savior is welcome.

The rescuer can then try to help heal their wounds and wait for them to take their first small step forward.

You may recognize this type of profile. If you have a savior complex, you may also recognize the following motives:

• Your parents could not fulfill your basic needs as a child. They didn’t give you the love and care you needed. To compensate for this, you give to other people what you never had.
• Your parents were very authoritarian and aggressive. So you view other more vulnerable and damaged people as possible perfect partners. You choose the opposite extreme.

• From a very young age you have led a life where you tried to please other people. Now you take care of someone and try to do everything they could possibly need.
• For fear of being alone or of rejection, you believe that by trying to please and help people, you will make people want to be with you. You believe that because of the way you are, other people will repay the favor in kind.

The risk of starting a relationship with someone who has been hurt

We embrace a hurt person without giving them time to heal themselves. As you can see, this is a result of our own experiences.

But what we often don’t realize when we start a relationship with someone who has been hurt is that we ourselves are the people who will end up being hurt.

When the injured person is reborn

We can almost say it is inevitable. Once the injured person is healed or reborn, they will still be as they were. This is thanks to the care of the person who took them in.

But what happens after that? What happens when the hurt person runs away and he leaves the person who took on his pain?

This leaves the ‘savior’ broken. This is not just because of everything they have done for the other. In addition, they may also wonder what is left for them.

They don’t just have to pick up all the broken pieces. They also need to restore their dignity. In addition, they have to face their deepest fears: being alone and feeling abandoned.

Most curiously, they will think that the other person is ungrateful.  However, they won’t hesitate to grab the hand of the next hurt person they find. Thus, they will start a relationship again.

Each person must ‘save’ themselves

We can’t save everyone. This stops people from getting stronger. It prevents them from discovering that they can rebuild themselves. It prevents them from knowing they don’t need anyone to fight for them.

Starting a relationship with a hurt person is a huge risk.  You run the risk that they will leave you as soon as they are better. It’s a risk of caring for someone who can become toxic to you later.

We need to put on the brakes and not start a relationship with someone who is hurt or with someone who feels incomplete. Because in order to start a healthy relationship, both people must have solved their past problems on their own.

If not, the relationship is doomed to fail. In the worst case, each person will end up being hurt even worse than before.